Find Out How to Succeed at Being Yourself

I have to say right out the gate that this article is not based on any theory you may find in books, nor is it based on an academic’s teachings.  No siree, this article is written by someone who is renowned for her straight talking and honest approach to everything and everyone.  The author is also a graduate from that awesome University of Life having taken a few hard knocks along the rocky road.

How to succeed at being yourself is 100% down to you and what choices you decide to make in any given situation at any given time.

When we come into this world we come in naked, that is both physically and mentally and we are 100% being ourselves.  Yes the theorists amongst us would say there are many things we are genetically pre-disposed to.  For example, they would say that if one or both our parents had addictions then our chances of having that same addictive aspect to our personality is greater.  But forget all that because how you succeed at being yourself is down to one thing and one thing only – the choices you make.

When we are small children, choices are made for us by our parents and other family members.  As our personalities start to develop we quickly get a sense of what is right and what is wrong because everyone around us lets us know.  That is when external influences start to take effect and stop us being ourselves.  As we get that bit older and start kindergarten or school, peer pressure also starts to chip away at who we really are.  By the time we reach elementary stage, only about 30% of who we really are is on public display.  The remainder is blocked by filters and we can have a multitude of personas dependant on the situation.  We are only successful at being ourselves when we feel safe to do so.  Ask yourself when that time is for you.  Is it in the car in the morning driving to work when ‘you sing like no-one can hear you’, is it when you escape to that ‘space’ you have in the home?

We all choose how to respond when someone says something we don’t like, we choose to behave in a specific way in a variety of situations.  If your automatic response to a comment you did not like is to raise your voice and start shouting then just for that nano second ask yourself “what are my chances of dying here if I were to just smile and say nothing?”  If the answer to that is anything between 90-100% then by all means raise your voice……..

Now you may quickly respond to that by saying “if I were to just smile and walk away then that is not me being me”.  Well let me ask you something “how much fun is it being you?  Are you happy in that angry world?  What are you like when there is no-one around you, what sort of thoughts do you have, what dreams do you want to make happen, when was the last time you told yourself that you are an OK sort of person?  Was there ever a time when you allowed you to be just you and told yourself that it really does not matter what others may think about me.  When others judge us, their thoughts are mapped out by their own life experiences and there is little or nothing we can do to change them so why bother?

How would you like to be someone that people having nothing bad to say about?  The type of person that is warm, friendly and never sees anyone as a threat.

You can be that person, the one who all those years ago wanted to be a certain way before others told you it was not right.  Perhaps you love to make others laugh but somewhere along the way, you didn’t have the normal receptive audience and you lost confidence.  That was their issue and not yours, just go out now and find an audience that does appreciate your humour.  Maybe you wanted to be something in your career but many people told you it was impossible so you just gave up.  That says everything about them and nothing about you so ignore them.  If you have the belief, you can do it, I believe in you so just go and do it!  Make it happen, start making some small choices to change and you’re half way there.

You can be honest with people so long as you never deliberately hurt their feelings.   Before you speak, always ask yourself “how would I like to hear that something doesn’t look right on me, my essay is not quite up to scratch?” etc.

I would just like to finish up by asking you to ask yourself is “how successful am I at truly being MYSELF?”  If I started as a baby being 100% ME, what percentage is left today?  You can get back there; you just have to make different choices than perhaps you are at the moment.

What Should I Do With My Life?

What should I do with my life?  How many times have you heard that phrase come out of the lips of friends, family members or even out of your own mouth.

It is most definitely something I would have said many times and what is interesting about the actual wording of the phrase is the word ‘DO’ rather than ‘WANT’.  This implies to me that the person saying it is actually ready to do something to change how they are, what they are doing and make changes for the better.

How many times have you heard people say “I would love to do something different” and the remainder of the sentence hanging in the air and not uttered probably goes something like this “but I really can’t be bothered” or “but it’s all too difficult”.

I believe that the main reason for not changing how we are is not because of any external influences but because of what is inside us.  It’s that wee inner voice that sometimes tells us “don’t try it, people will laugh at you” or “you’ll never be able to do that” or “I know lots of people that tried to do that and it didn’t work”.  It’s really easy to talk ourselves out of doing something and oh so hard to acknowledge the many strengths we all have inside of us.

If I could just share with you some of the questions and soul searching I did before I changed my life for the better:

Could I do something I love and earn at the same time? Absolutely – so I sought out those who do both, studied what they did and learned from them.

Listened to my inner voice – don’t we all have this, that niggling wee voice that tells us we can’t do something, lots of people have tried and failed and we will also.  Don’t listen to it!  Make a list of your inspirations and keep adding to it.  As you come across an obstacle that might stop you getting there, quickly jot down a way you can get over that obstacle then cross it right off because it’s no longer an obstacle right?

Beware of procrastinating, talking yourself out of an idea or finding reasons why something wouldn’t work

Keep that goal alive - put a picture of where you want to be – it may be living in that big house, driving that fast car or just enjoying luxury holidays with loved ones.  Have a big picture of that dream stuck on the refrigerator, in the car, by your bedside – in fact everywhere around the house.

Do everything with a purpose – that purpose being that goal you are aiming for.  If you find yourself doing time consuming things that are not in pursuit of that goal then question your motives for doing them.

Finally, Never Ever Give Up On Your Dream

What Should I Do With My Life?  This is a $10 Million question – My advice would be the very same advice I gave myself – do what I love to do, it helps and doesn’t hurt anyone else, allows me freedom to make my own decisions on how I live my life and is relatively stress free.  Want a piece of that?

Follow Your Dreams!

I remember quite a few years back being told by a senior manager that I had a unique ability to engage people and make them feel they could do anything.  This has always remained with me and although I don’t intentionally set out to ‘push people to achieve’ I naturally find myself doing it.

You see the way I learn is through doing or listening to other people relate their experiences, their failures and successes.  This does not mean I still don’t try things that haven’t worked for others, I do what I think is right and best for me.  I never allow anyone telling me I cannot do something to stand in the way of my success, to the contrary.

Success is a very personal thing but I think most people would agree that success is about being fulfilled in your life.   It’s that warm feeling you have, knowing you’re doing OK but more importantly that you are making a difference in other people’s lives.  Now this doesn’t mean heading off to third world countries to do voluntary work although that is highly commendable.  No, what I mean is just touching briefly into the lives of others.

There are lots of people I remember and think highly of and every one of those is because I can remember how I felt when I was around them.  Most are positive and the others – well, I just choose a different path than the one they are on.

The end result is the happiness I have and peace of mind now to know that I always do my best by others and if I can reach out a hand to help, that hand is there and I will stretch it as far as it needs to go.

How would you like to be able to look back on your life with a huge smile on your face knowing you made many of your dreams come true and you made a difference in others’ lives and helped them realise their own dreams?

Here’s a short video I shot with a few personal photos of people and things that are important in my life – everything else is the small stuff and I don’t sweat that!

3900 Saturdays & 1000 Marbles

I read something today that really stopped me in my tracks and created some strange feelings followed by even stranger thoughts inside my head.  It was the story of the ‘1000 marbles’ and ‘3900 Saturdays’.

The story was about a man who, whilst working happily in his garage one Saturday morning had his ham radio on in the background, stopped in his tracks to listen to a conversation between two enthusiasts.  It sounded like an older man who was talking and initially it was the sound of his voice that brought him to attention; it was crystal clear with golden overtones.  He was telling the other person something about ‘a thousand marbles’.  The conversation went something like this:

“Well Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job.  I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It’s too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital,” he continued; “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”

He went on to say “You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic.  The average person lives about seventy-five years, some live more and some live less but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

Now, I multiplied 75 x 52 and came up with 3,900 and this is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.  It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about this in any detail, he went on, and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays.  This led to me thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.

I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had.  I took them home, put them inside a large clear plastic container in my garage here next to my working gear.

Every Saturday since then, I have taken out one marble and thrown it away.  I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focussed more on the really important things in life.  There’s nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.

He then went on to say “this morning I took my very last marble out of the container and figured that if I make it until next Saturday, I have been truly blessed.  The one thing we can all use is a little more time.

The older man finished the conversation with “It was nice speaking with you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family and I hope to meet you again here on the band,  this is a 75 year old man now signing off to go and do the things that matter most to me, while I still can”.

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when the older man signed off and he certainly gave us all a lot to think about.

So how do you spend your Saturdays?  Are you still working, do you tinker away in your garage, sit hunched up over your computer or do you do the things that really matter?  Cherish each and every day you have with your loved ones, it is time with them that counts, everything else is of lesser importance.

If you really wanted to make every day a Saturday and stop trading your time for money, why not consider working from home in your own home based business?  There has never been a better time to make money online and all it takes is that one step.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting!

Courage is not being without fear, courage is going forward despite having fear!  Have a great day and make it one you will remember FOREVER.

Lessons from geese – a leader is nothing without their team

The acronym TEAM represents Together Everyone Achieves More and there is no truer representation of teamwork and teambuilding at its best than through the geese that share out planet.  When I first read this, it just made so much sense to me and having always operated in a teamworking environment, I know that although I was in a leadership position, I was nothing without the backing and support of a strong team. 

I have carried this through to my current business in internet marketing, and although it is my own business, there is always a strong team with a positive mindset behind each individual that makes the opportunity and business sustainable and profitable for everyone.

Learn from the geese

As each goose flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the others behind it. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.
Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of another.

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone, and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the “lifting power” of the bird immediately in front.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as the goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go (and be willing to accept their help as well as give ours to others.)

When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.
Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership–with people, as with geese, we are interdependent on each other.

The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
Lesson: We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging, and not something else.

When a goose gets sick or wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it is able to fly again or dies. Then they launch out on their own, with another formation, or catch up with the flock.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as geese, we too will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

By Milton Olson

Imagine being able to achieve anything you want – well you can!

I watched this inspiring video this morning posted by one of my Facebook friends and it really put my own life into perspective.  It was about a young man born with no limbs yet it has never stopped him doing anything he set out to do.  At one point in the video, he pushed himself forward and had it not been for his sheer determination and ‘can do’ attitude, he might very easily have given up.  His name is Nick Vujicic and you may want to check his videos out on You Tube.

A true inspiration

You see, all too often I would give up when trying to figure out how to do something.  I would perhaps read or watch how someone else does it and try it myself.   Why do some people give up easily whilst others persevere?  Perhaps these next few paragraphs may shed some light on possible reasons.

I took part in a personality profile session once when working in the corporate world and the aim of the exercise wasn’t explained to us.  The instructions were to go into this classroom and in each corner of the room would be a large sheet of paper with a heading and several bulleted statements.  We were to read the statements and whichever corner of the room had the statements that applied to us most, we were to sit down there.

Now, there were 19 students on this course and we all went charging into the room.  The first corner I approached had a heading ‘Reflector’ and after reading the first 3 statements, I quickly concluded this was definitely me.

Next corner I hit was Activitist, and spent a little bit more time here as many of the statements were how I went about business and life.

Third corner I approached had Theorist and I read all of the statements here but they definitely did not apply to me.

The last corner had the heading Pragmatist and I knew immediately on reading the sttatements, this was me.  I sat down,  being the first of the 19 of us to do so and our tutor immediately said “yes Trish, you’re definitely in the right place and it’s only taken you 4 minutes to figure it out.”  You see, we’d been working with this tutor for a number of weeks so he knew all our personalities.

I sat there and watched, and watched, and watched as others started to find their corners.  Only one other person had joined me but there were 2 sitting in the Activist corner also.  After about 10 minutes, 4 people were sitting down, myself included and getting quite bored I hasten to add when 4 others sat in the Theorist corner.

Now that left 11 people and I watched, getting quite impatient as they kept going round and round and revisiting each corner and just could not make their mind up where they should sit.  It actually took 19 minutes for them all, with the help of the tutor to conclude they should all be in the reflector corner.

I really didn’t know what the purpose of this exercise was, nor really what a pragmatist was.  It was explained to me using a very simple analogy.  It is someone who buys something that needs self assembly but who can’t be bothered wading through instructions preferring just to get stuck in.  That is me to a tee.  I hate instructions or wading through loads of script, I quickly move to the end then if I need to know something in between, I will look for that one piece of information only.

The whole aim of the exercise was to teach us that to have a really successful team, you need to have all 4 personality types in there.  Can you imagine if they were all like me, charging through at 100mph, not really thinking things through?

So how does that relate to this short video clip I watched and want to share with you.  Well, my personality type would suggest if I can’t find the answer straight away, or work out quickly how to do things, I tend to give up and move on to something else.

I won’t anymore though, I will find a way through the quagmires of life, because as this young man demonstrates perfectly “where there’s a will, there’s a way.”  and I will take the time to work it out.

The same mindset applies in your home business with online marketing.  In the early days, it may seem like you’re on a treadmill and going nowhere but if you’re determined enough and stick at it, you will achieve success.  Adopt the same attitude that Nick does on a daily basis, he allows nothing to get in his way in pursuit of where he is going.