I have to say right out the gate that this article is not based on any theory you may find in books, nor is it based on an academic’s teachings. No siree, this article is written by someone who is renowned for her straight talking and honest approach to everything and everyone. The author is also a graduate from that awesome University of Life having taken a few hard knocks along the rocky road.
How to succeed at being yourself is 100% down to you and what choices you decide to make in any given situation at any given time.
When we come into this world we come in naked, that is both physically and mentally and we are 100% being ourselves. Yes the theorists amongst us would say there are many things we are genetically pre-disposed to. For example, they would say that if one or both our parents had addictions then our chances of having that same addictive aspect to our personality is greater. But forget all that because how you succeed at being yourself is down to one thing and one thing only – the choices you make.
When we are small children, choices are made for us by our parents and other family members. As our personalities start to develop we quickly get a sense of what is right and what is wrong because everyone around us lets us know. That is when external influences start to take effect and stop us being ourselves. As we get that bit older and start kindergarten or school, peer pressure also starts to chip away at who we really are. By the time we reach elementary stage, only about 30% of who we really are is on public display. The remainder is blocked by filters and we can have a multitude of personas dependant on the situation. We are only successful at being ourselves when we feel safe to do so. Ask yourself when that time is for you. Is it in the car in the morning driving to work when ‘you sing like no-one can hear you’, is it when you escape to that ‘space’ you have in the home?
We all choose how to respond when someone says something we don’t like, we choose to behave in a specific way in a variety of situations. If your automatic response to a comment you did not like is to raise your voice and start shouting then just for that nano second ask yourself “what are my chances of dying here if I were to just smile and say nothing?” If the answer to that is anything between 90-100% then by all means raise your voice……..
Now you may quickly respond to that by saying “if I were to just smile and walk away then that is not me being me”. Well let me ask you something “how much fun is it being you? Are you happy in that angry world? What are you like when there is no-one around you, what sort of thoughts do you have, what dreams do you want to make happen, when was the last time you told yourself that you are an OK sort of person? Was there ever a time when you allowed you to be just you and told yourself that it really does not matter what others may think about me. When others judge us, their thoughts are mapped out by their own life experiences and there is little or nothing we can do to change them so why bother?
How would you like to be someone that people having nothing bad to say about? The type of person that is warm, friendly and never sees anyone as a threat.
You can be that person, the one who all those years ago wanted to be a certain way before others told you it was not right. Perhaps you love to make others laugh but somewhere along the way, you didn’t have the normal receptive audience and you lost confidence. That was their issue and not yours, just go out now and find an audience that does appreciate your humour. Maybe you wanted to be something in your career but many people told you it was impossible so you just gave up. That says everything about them and nothing about you so ignore them. If you have the belief, you can do it, I believe in you so just go and do it! Make it happen, start making some small choices to change and you’re half way there.
You can be honest with people so long as you never deliberately hurt their feelings. Before you speak, always ask yourself “how would I like to hear that something doesn’t look right on me, my essay is not quite up to scratch?” etc.
I would just
like to finish up by asking you to ask yourself is “how successful am I at truly being MYSELF?” If I started as a baby being 100% ME, what percentage is left today? You can get back there; you just have to make different choices than perhaps you are at the moment.
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